Entry #15: Growing Pains

Every relationship will experience a bumpy ride...I know we did...and we still do...and yet by God's grace, you're still there, I'm still here and we're still together. I can't explain why but I think I know how it became possible.

One of the principles that stuck with me all throughout my Christian life is this: Adversity is inevitable but stress is optional. The only reason we become so stressed out in life is because we chose to let outside adversities penetrate our soul. So the peace that we once had from Jesus that exceeds our understanding is gone...and everything in life has that bitter taste of dissatisfaction...church, family, career and even our personal life. But all that can change...but we have to actively choose to make it happen in accordance with the absolute truth of the Word of God.

When we decided to get married...a lot of things needed to happen first. I needed to talk to my parents then ask your parents for your hand and give them the assurance that I have no intentions of hurting you...piece-of-cake...but as we became more committed to the task, complications started to arise. What seemed easy at first became scary and extremely difficult along the way...but as the saying goes "kung gusto, may paraan...kung ayaw, may dahilan!" Either I grow some balls or I will lose you...obviously, the latter was not an option! You know what went down...you were there when I came out all bruised and broken from the inside...you cried, we cried but we survived...it was then that I realized that God did not promise a painless Christian way of living...He just said that nothing can harm us! Just like Job...God allowed all the unpleasant things to happen, but then in the end...it served a greater purpose...one that led Job into a place of utmost contentment in life.

Whatever pain and struggles we are experiencing right now is just the beginning of the journey God has mapped out for us. I have my share of failures...and I'm not proud of them...but I rejoice in the fact that we have been given the grace and love to get up and get on the right track.

Thank you pag for still being willing to spend your lifetime with me despite the fact of facing more growing pains in the future.

loveyou!

Entry#14: Freedom

True freedom requires the ability to choose...options are therefore needed to legitimize the existence of freedom. You might be wondering where I'm headed with this...just wait, I'm just starting to kesofy my point.

Freedom should always be balanced with the right amount of authority...too much freedom will bring confusion and lawlessness...too much authority will result to tyranny! The right balance will depend on how well we let God influence our lives with His Word!

Now here's my point...

Without freedom, it would have been impossible for us to be together...but because God gave us freewill to choose what we think is best for us, I was given the privilege to develop my relationship with you. There were times when our freedom were giving us ideas that were not really approved by God's standards and yet He never did step in. God wanted us to reach certain realizations on our own based on the absolute authority He provided. Authority that is never imposing yet absolute in its nature - God's word!

We are free to love each other or not...I'm glad we did! And as long as I'm alive, God's Word will always protect that freedom.

Loveyou pag!

Entry #13: The Much Awaited "I DO"

I can't really explain what I feel whenever I'm reminded of the fact that in a few months, our lives will be altered and we will be united under a divinely ordained institution. Love and grace will be the ultimate policy and in no circumstance should we fail to reconsider mercy and forgiveness.

Accepting the responsibility of being a better half the moment we say "I Do" will be a tall order. Two sin natures under one roof, all the time, will be a challenge in itself. However, God has provided so much promises in His Word that will always get us through.

I feel like I will never be ready for marriage...that's why I always pray that God would give me the courage to lead you! Whenever I am confronted by my past sins and my old sin nature would battle for control over our relationship, I always go back to this:

RESOLUTION TO BE COURAGEOUS
SIGNED AUGUST 3, 2012

I, Timothy Jonsel S. Ermitaño, a bachelor betrothed to my best friend, do solemnly commit to the ethical, moral and spiritual aspect of this resolution. I am acting on my own accord with confidence that God, Who has begun His work in me, will be faithful to complete His purpose in my life. Failure to adhere to the set standards of this resolution is a result of my unwilling and unfaithful condition. Grace is the seal of this resolution for I understand that nothing in me can ever get me through this code of conduct. I am a product of God's mercies and grace...I am therefore lifting my hands as a sign of my submission to His sovereign will. By God's loving kindness and compassion...I will set my heart to what is right...facing my fears...contending the faith...loving my future wife...and protecting my family...knowing that Jesus Christ is my rock and salvation in whom I can be COURAGEOUS.

I DO is never a passive promise...it should always be active...with much passion and conviction. So as we wait for that moment of exchanging vows...I pray that we stay active in growing in grace...

four months and counting

loveyou

Entry #12: What Matters Most

This is what stabilized us in our relationship together...the prioritizing of doctrine! I'm always moved to tears whenever I see your piles of doctrinal notes...I feel so blessed to have someone acknowledge God's Word more than anything else.

I have found my calling in ministry...and I don't think there's anything else God wants me to do...I was born to teach and preach! So when I see you, out of your own free will, push yourself into the study of God's Word...I get goose bumps! The feeling of overwhelming happiness cannot be fully explained with words...it's just...GRACE!

It's easy to answer what matters most...it's acknowleding it that really counts! Honestly, you matter to me...but I never realized it till doctrine mattered more!

Love is selfish according to the world's standards...but the moment doctrine fixed my messed up perception, it became clear that the pursuit of happiness starts with God who causes all things to work for good.

We became possible because once in our life, we pursued and ran after what mattered most!

Entry #11: Imperfect & Unstable

Perfection demands sustainable consistency...alterations are unacceptable. Stability depends on clarity of direction...no matter what happens, we push forward! We try our best to achieve perfection & stability yet we always fall short...and that's when grace enters the picture.

I'm soooo far from perfect but you still consider what I have to say, I'm more unstable than anyone we know, yet you lean on me for answers. There are no logical explanation for this...but God knows how you would complement me.

Sorry pag...for all the times you get hurt by my imperfect and unstable self. I can never promise not to do it again..but I will commit myself in making things as light and pleasurable for you...

Loveyou

Entry #10: Unusual Pair

Who would've thought that Mama Mouse would fall for Grandpa Tom?

Even in real life, our personalities would seldom complement and yet we find contentment in what we have. Most people have been skeptic in our first year...but God has proven them wrong. We've found our common ground...and that's God!

Every time we surrender our expectations and desires under the sovereign will of God, everything changes. We understand each other more...we become more considerate about each other...and conversations become more meaningful. The beauty of our relationship is directly affected by how we relate to God. The level of appreciation we have for each other is solely dependent on the gratitude we have for God's word in our lives. And the best realization ever is that we love each other because we chose to love Him more.

I love you Nenita...because I chose to love you...and my choice to love you is motivated by God's love and grace. I don't have the perfect kind of love that would complete you...but I do have the kind of love that would complement you. When something out of the ordinary becomes possible, it's all because of God. So now, when you think about it...we're not so unusual after all!

Loveyou

Entry #9: Package Deal

Someone told me before that when you marry someone, you marry the family...well, I see it more like a package deal!

Choosing to love requires great emotional foresight and spiritual responsibility. I may easily click with you...but I had to take the necessary step to be OK with your family. When I decided to commit my life to love you with the maximum capacity love that I have, it meant full and all out support to you and everyone you care about. As stitch clearly taught us - "ohana is family, and family never gets left behind"

When I look at where we are now...I thank God for blessing us with siblings who love us and gets along with each other just fine...they may never be best of friends...but they are family!

Your family's not perfect, my family isn't either...and that's the beauty of it all! I'm not aspiring for the perfect family...but a God fearing one...like how we were taught! And I think that's the reason why your brother and my sisters can find a common ground of respect and care!

So on October, expect grace to package our families together for the glory of God!

Loveyou

Entry #8: Out of the Ordinary

BABALA! Ang sumusunod na mga katagang inyong mababasa ay sobra-sobra sa ka-kesohan! Striktong patnubay sa pagtaob ng sikmura ay kinakailangan!

The day started out like any ordinary day...I stood at the usual pick up point ahead of schedule but this time, no one was holding my hand...no one was checking my uniform...no one was reminding me of my stuff...it felt strange entering the van without you. No one holding my arm...telling me to move closer...it was soooo different.

At devotions, no one was playing candy crush beside me while waiting for the speaker to start. It was out of the ordinary. 

Today was the planned alabang shuttle big breakfast day...everyone were enjoying their bountiful portions of sinangag, spam, bacon, egg, daing and pandesal...while I was missing your company. I never did take my second break...what's the point when you're not around!

Today was out of the ordinary...maybe God wanted me to miss you more...well God, I think I got the point...can you bring my pag back?

Pag...hope you feel all better tomorrow...I did miss you sooooo much! Loveyou..
See you tomorrow!

Entry #7: Enjoying life in the slow lane

Everything nowadays are fast paced. Food served below the acceptable standard is criticized not for it's flavor but the speed it got to your table...instant is the "in thing" from coffee to relationships.

I'm proud to be a 90's kid...I got a piece of everything...from the joy of playing SHATO in the great outdoors to the ever advanced game console then - The Family Computer! As a kid...I learned to enjoy a little bit of everything...just like how I enjoy a little bit of everything about you now!

Some people tell me we're not prepared...sometimes I think so too...but then God has purposely slowed us down...and I think it's to enjoy what we have now so that we can have capacity to enjoy each other more when we're together. I still think we're a long way from being prepared...eventually, we'll get there! Let's just enjoy the slow and long journey!

Loveyou

Entry #6: Dead tired with a busted pinky

Today was a challenge for the both of us! Along with the desire to lose weight comes hardwork and aching body parts! Joining the tchoukball training was a challenge in itself...but we survived day one! All we need is to be consistent.

Sorry for the busted pinky...I know it hurts...but I'm proud of you! For someone who lacks eye and hand coordination, you handled the passing drills well! Kiss ko na lang...kahit alam nating di gumagana yun!

We may be dead tired...but I have no regrets! It was different going through the whole training ordeal knowing that you're with me!

Loveyou...